Understanding The Signs of Anger Issues
For most people, anger is a developing problem from deep within. It can be a problem that started long before any physical signs are shown. Also, for some people, it can be issues that are difficult to understand. For this reason, it is important to start noticing the signs of anger ourselves before they evolve into issues later.
Anger, like many emotions, can be very deceiving. Our expressions don’t always reflect our emotions. Sometimes we choose to do this willingly, and other times we don’t even know the difference.
Actors can relate to this well. Having to practice emotional expressions and voice tones, an actor lives his life expressing himself in ways that others wouldn’t. Jim Carrey was called “Over Actor” in a blooper scene from “Liar Liar”. The whole crowd laughed, but all instances of anger in this movie were deliberate and healthy.
So, before we talk about noticing anger issues. We’ll first go over recognizing the difference between “Good Anger” and “Bad Anger”. Understanding this makes it easier to recognize a problem.
Good Anger vs. Bad Anger
It is certainly possible to have good anger. While the words “Good Anger” sound conflicting, we are able to express anger in a way that isn’t damaging to ourselves or others, by expressing opinions in a deliberate way to show your connection towards a given topic.
- Ex 1: Your favorite sports team lost the championship game due to a bad call. Expressing your opinion with the angry look and sharing your frustration with friends is “Good Anger”.
- Ex 2: Instance of a child being abused, should trigger anger, which is healthy because you know this is wrong.
- Ex 3: During a discussion among peers about a disturbing subject. Purposely displaying anger in relation to the topic is also fine. As long as the expression is an act – or is controlled anger.
What is controlled anger?
It is anger that can be easily reversed. You can display it without being affected by it or you can bring yourself back to a neutral state. The anger is only used to describe a situation, not influence it.
It is important to have controlled emotions, even if they are good emotions.
For example: Laughing at something while at work, then bringing yourself back to a professional manner to sustain a valuable sale.
Having this kind of control on any of our emotions will make us stronger people. Sometimes it can be harder for some than others, but it’s all an exercise when developing your mind. It isn’t until you begin losing this control when problems arise.
Bad anger is the pitfall of many problems. Overexpressing your thoughts and letting them get the best of you. It happens to the best of us. When something happens that really frustrates us, and we take it out in ways that affect negatively on the world around us. There are many forms of bad anger, and because of this, it’s important we get to know them.
I’m not going to hide it. Having issues in the past might have triggered this, but circumstances had me punch a wall a couple times. This was my way of expressing anger which I certainly regret when I had to fix it. Although worst things could have been done, this was certainly bad anger.
In any case, if we cannot stop and think about the situation, how can we come up with the best possible resolution? We can’t!
Similar to situations where we find ourselves laughing hysterically out of control:
Although it may be healthier than being angry –If we cannot maintain control over that laughing– we are much less aware of our surroundings and incapable of making rational decisions.
Some of the behaviors that conflict with proper decision making include the following:
- Passive-Aggressive Behavior
- Flooded Anger
- Verbal Abuse
- Behavioral Abuse
- Instrumental Anger
It can be amazing for many people as to how many types of anger there are. The above list is not all of them, but the “less extreme” or easier for us to recognize and change. We will talk more about these behaviors in the next topic.
What are the signs of anger issues we should notice?
Think about the following questions if you relate to the types of anger issues discussed:
- Did this always make you angry?
- When did this first frustrate you?
- Why does it frustrate you?
- Does it frustrate other people?
- Does this anger impact your life or people you’re around or influence?
Before our emotions get the best of us, we can help ourselves through situations before they ever happen. Understanding is an amazing ability when developing your mind, and so will it be with noticing and overcoming anger issues.
What kind of anger do you think brought you here today?
Relating to the behaviors in the previous topic, we’ll define them and see if you can classify your own behavior within them.
The sliest of them all, passive-aggressive behavior uses clever and thought out “Accidents” which can be covered up, or unproven. Some people use the slang word “Keener” to describe this. Often, this behavior leads to someone else having to deal with conflict. Whether directly or indirectly, passing on conflict to someone else is selfish. Although innocent at first, it may escalate to scenarios where selfishness leads to emotional distress and pain upon others. In most cases, selflessness can prevent bad situations from occurring at all.
Later, this behavior can result in sarcasm and deliberate emotional neglect or coldness towards people closest to you.
If you find yourself feeling defensive, it may be a lead towards resentment. If you feel targeted or being blamed and inflict frustration to battle this feeling of defensiveness, it is important to note that this can lead to further complications.
It is easy to find a reason to blame others when they target you on something you may or may not have done. I know, because I have done it myself. Understanding this as resentment and allowing yourself time to think through the situation will allow for mutual acceptance –A mutual agreement among everyone in the scenario.
An overwhelming fear that leads to acting out with aggression. When unable to think straight because of an overload of work and acts of angry expression are revealed. When you cannot take it anymore or feel backed in the corner, bursting out in anger in hopes to get out of the situation is flooded anger.
Talking negatively towards others to satisfy your own needs is considered verbal abuse. Whether frustrated at what they had done, or wanting them to do something effectively, speaking to them in a way that positions you above them is abusive. Words to describe verbal abuse are: Intimidation, bullying, and Ranting.
Physical behavior: such as pushing, road rage, and even my own problem of punching walls. Acting out on anything with destructive or endangering ways is a form of behavioral abuse.
Purposely using anger to get your way with things, and used as a tool. An emotional tool as some says it that people use to control a situation or position them above others “other times referred to as manipulative anger’. Acting out with frustration to avoid others from deciding something rationally for them is also instrumental anger.
What If I’m Noticing the Signs of Anger Issues?
Most people will immediately ask you to seek help from a doctor, but I want you to become aware yourself. If your situation is damaging where help is needed, it’s a great accomplishment to have come this far in understanding it.
It is common for those to be forced into counseling. For you taking this step alone, will give you an advantage when trying to overcome any type of anger issues. Because of your concern towards this, you may never be forced into counseling because you have recognized something long before anything can happen.
Benefit in noticing signs of anger issues early
If you are aware of possible issues, then you help yourself from very problematic disorders in the future. Some of these issues can lead to jail or hospitalization. Great job with stopping this from happening!
Disorders caused by anger issues
Personality Disorders: Judgmental, demanding, and perfectionist towards others. Obsessive as if their life depended on it, creating acts of frustration or violence. Very irrational reactions are performed by those with personality disorders.
Anxiety: Suffering from overwhelming panic or fear. Characteristics such as hyperventilating and shaking are side effects. Often feeling like a victim or targeted. This too can lead to further acts of violence towards themselves or others.
Depression: Reacting very negatively to an overall view of life. These actions repel any possibilities of performing well and victim to a mental breakdown. In many cases, depression can lead to tensions causing impulsive decisions towards bodily harm. In worst case scenarios, suicide…
I.E.D – Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Outbursts at any given time can result from lacking control of anger at an early stage. Those with this disorder can be dangerous to themselves and others. Extreme cases who are not diagnosed can lead to jail very easily.
Talking to Somebody about Anger Issues Isn’t That Bad
If you seek a professional personally, the atmosphere is much more pleasant and relaxed. Getting to know you will be the first thing just like meeting a new friend. Experts will build a relationship in order to better understand you before talking much of any problems. Never let emotions be put aside long enough to build into problems. There are people who are paid to have conversations just for this reason. Seek their attention and they will provide you with all the attention you need.
Have you noticed signs of anger and managed to sustain self-control?
There are endless resources out there to read, but the best will come from those who already went through this. If you have, then please provide inspiration on this topic, and even tell us a bit of your story. Your time will be highly valuable for many people.
If you have read this article because it was simply an interest to you take just one extra moment and give our readers your advice on noticing signs of anger. You can do so in the comments below.