Noticing the Signs of Anger Issues Before Jail

By | August 29, 2014
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Start Noticing the Signs of Anger Issues

Understanding The Signs of Anger Issues

For most people, anger is a developing problem from deep within. It can be a problem that started long before any physical signs are shown. Also, for some people, it can be issues that are difficult to understand. For this reason, it is important to start noticing the signs of anger ourselves before they evolve into issues later.

Anger, like many emotions, can be very deceiving. Our expressions don’t always reflect our emotions. Sometimes we choose to do this willingly, and other times we don’t even know the difference.


Actors can relate to this well. Having to practice emotional expressions and voice tones, an actor lives his life expressing himself in ways that others wouldn’t. Jim Carrey was called “Over Actor” in a blooper scene from “Liar Liar”. The whole crowd laughed, but all instances of anger in this movie were deliberate and healthy.

So, before we talk about noticing anger issues. We’ll first go over recognizing the difference between “Good Anger” and “Bad Anger”. Understanding this makes it easier to recognize a problem.

 

Good Anger vs. Bad Anger

Good Anger

It is certainly possible to have good anger. While the words “Good Anger” sound conflicting, we are able to express anger in a way that isn’t damaging to ourselves or others, by expressing opinions in a deliberate way to show your connection towards a given topic.

  • Ex 1: Your favorite sports team lost the championship game due to a bad call. Expressing your opinion with the angry look and sharing your frustration with friends is “Good Anger”.
  • Ex 2: Instance of a child being abused, should trigger anger, which is healthy because you know this is wrong.
  • Ex 3: During a discussion among peers about a disturbing subject. Purposely displaying anger in relation to the topic is also fine. As long as the expression is an act – or is controlled anger.

What is controlled anger?
It is anger that can be easily reversed. You can display it without being affected by it or you can bring yourself back to a neutral state. The anger is only used to describe a situation, not influence it.

It is important to have controlled emotions, even if they are good emotions.
For example: Laughing at something while at work, then bringing yourself back to a professional manner to sustain a valuable sale.

Having this kind of control on any of our emotions will make us stronger people. Sometimes it can be harder for some than others, but it’s all an exercise when developing your mind. It isn’t until you begin losing this control when problems arise.

Bad Anger

Bad anger is the pitfall of many problems. Overexpressing your thoughts and letting them get the best of you. It happens to the best of us. When something happens that really frustrates us, and we take it out in ways that affect negatively on the world around us. There are many forms of bad anger, and because of this, it’s important we get to know them.

I’m not going to hide it. Having issues in the past might have triggered this, but circumstances had me punch a wall a couple times. This was my way of expressing anger which I certainly regret when I had to fix it. Although worst things could have been done, this was certainly bad anger. 

In any case, if we cannot stop and think about the situation, how can we come up with the best possible resolution? We can’t!

Similar to situations where we find ourselves laughing hysterically out of control:
Although it may be healthier than being angry –If we cannot maintain control over that laughing– we are much less aware of our surroundings and incapable of making rational decisions.

Some of the behaviors that conflict with proper decision making include the following:

  • Passive-Aggressive Behavior
  • Resentment
  • Flooded Anger
  • Verbal Abuse
  • Behavioral Abuse
  • Instrumental Anger

It can be amazing for many people as to how many types of anger there are. The above list is not all of them, but the “less extreme” or easier for us to recognize and change. We will talk more about these behaviors in the next topic.

 

 


 

 

What are the signs of anger issues we should notice?

 

 The important Signs of Anger issues

 

 

 

 

Think about the following questions if you relate to the types of anger issues discussed:

  • Did this always make you angry?
  • When did this first frustrate you?
  • Why does it frustrate you?
  • Does it frustrate other people?
  • Does this anger impact your life or people you’re around or influence?

Before our emotions get the best of us, we can help ourselves through situations before they ever happen. Understanding is an amazing ability when developing your mind, and so will it be with noticing and overcoming anger issues.

 

What kind of anger do you think brought you here today?

Relating to the behaviors in the previous topic, we’ll define them and see if you can classify your own behavior within them.

Passive-Aggressive Behavior

The sliest of them all, passive-aggressive behavior uses clever and thought out “Accidents” which can be covered up, or unproven.  Some people use the slang word “Keener” to describe this. Often, this behavior leads to someone else having to deal with conflict. Whether directly or indirectly, passing on conflict to someone else is selfish. Although innocent at first, it may escalate to scenarios where selfishness leads to emotional distress and pain upon others. In most cases, selflessness can prevent bad situations from occurring at all.

Later, this behavior can result in sarcasm and deliberate emotional neglect or coldness towards people closest to you.

Resentment

If you find yourself feeling defensive, it may be a lead towards resentment. If you feel targeted or being blamed and inflict frustration to battle this feeling of defensiveness, it is important to note that this can lead to further complications.
It is easy to find a reason to blame others when they target you on something you may or may not have done. I know, because I have done it myself. Understanding this as resentment and allowing yourself time to think through the situation will allow for mutual acceptance –A mutual agreement among everyone in the scenario.

Flooded Anger

An overwhelming fear that leads to acting out with aggression. When unable to think straight because of an overload of work and acts of angry expression are revealed. When you cannot take it anymore or feel backed in the corner, bursting out in anger in hopes to get out of the situation is flooded anger.

Verbal Abuse

Talking negatively towards others to satisfy your own needs is considered verbal abuse. Whether frustrated at what they had done, or wanting them to do something effectively, speaking to them in a way that positions you above them is abusive. Words to describe verbal abuse are: Intimidation, bullying, and Ranting.

Behavioral Abuse

Physical behavior: such as pushing, road rage, and even my own problem of punching walls. Acting out on anything with destructive or endangering ways is a form of behavioral abuse.

Instrumental Anger

Purposely using anger to get your way with things, and used as a tool. An emotional tool as some says it that people use to control a situation or position them above others “other times referred to as manipulative anger’. Acting out with frustration to avoid others from deciding something rationally for them is also instrumental anger.

 

 


 

 

What If I’m Noticing the Signs of Anger Issues?

Most people will immediately ask you to seek help from a doctor, but I want you to become aware yourself. If your situation is damaging where help is needed, it’s a great accomplishment to have come this far in understanding it.

It is common for those to be forced into counseling. For you taking this step alone, will give you an advantage when trying to overcome any type of anger issues. Because of your concern towards this, you may never be forced into counseling because you have recognized something long before anything can happen.

Benefit in noticing signs of anger issues early

If you are aware of possible issues, then you help yourself from very problematic disorders in the future. Some of these issues can lead to jail or hospitalization. Great job with stopping this from happening!

Disorders caused by anger issues

Personality Disorders: Judgmental, demanding, and perfectionist towards others. Obsessive as if their life depended on it, creating acts of frustration or violence. Very irrational reactions are performed by those with personality disorders.

Anxiety: Suffering from overwhelming panic or fear. Characteristics such as hyperventilating and shaking are side effects. Often feeling like a victim or targeted. This too can lead to further acts of violence towards themselves or others.

Depression: Reacting very negatively to an overall view of life. These actions repel any possibilities of performing well and victim to a mental breakdown. In many cases, depression can lead to tensions causing impulsive decisions towards bodily harm. In worst case scenarios, suicide…

I.E.D – Intermittent Explosive Disorder: Outbursts at any given time can result from lacking control of anger at an early stage. Those with this disorder can be dangerous to themselves and others. Extreme cases who are not diagnosed can lead to jail very easily.

 

 


 

 

Talking to Somebody about Anger Issues Isn’t That Bad

If you seek a professional personally, the atmosphere is much more pleasant and relaxed. Getting to know you will be the first thing just like meeting a new friend. Experts will build a relationship in order to better understand you before talking much of any problems. Never let emotions be put aside long enough to build into problems. There are people who are paid to have conversations just for this reason. Seek their attention and they will provide you with all the attention you need.

Have you noticed signs of anger and managed to sustain self-control?

There are endless resources out there to read, but the best will come from those who already went through this. If you have, then please provide inspiration on this topic, and even tell us a bit of your story. Your time will be highly valuable for many people.

If you have read this article because it was simply an interest to you take just one extra moment and give our readers your advice on noticing signs of anger. You can do so in the comments below.

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13 thoughts on “Noticing the Signs of Anger Issues Before Jail

  1. Shonna

    Ummmmm Damien … my mom has been telling me I am very angry for years – I mean decades. On your list, I am guilty of verbal abuse and I didn’t even know I.E.D. Like something happened to me once in Chili’s and I went I.E.D. so hard I was in their kitchen. *Like* the prep boy had to move. And I was really chewing the staff out. But, in my defense, the way I had been treated and what I endured before I said anything was straight ridiculous *like* out of a movie.

    I tried to rectify the situation 3x before I lost it, I begged the girl to reconsider her actions and her job because she had no idea what was about to happen. I told her, not only do I speak well, I will write a letter but I will act like nothing happened if she apologized.

    Once the managers calmed me down, my friend and I were accommodated and they apologized sincerely for what happened. For the young girl’s actions I don’t think I verbally abused her enough.

    It’s my Napolean Complex! When people do things to me, my first instinct is raging mad. But then I think about how far I will go to win … I think about all of the cutting remarks that will come out of my mouth and that I am sensitive and I say, “No, they have no clue who they are dealing with” so, I give them a few ways out. But, if they don’t take the ways out, why do I have to kindly express my anger?

    Now, I am very curious about this. Me and anger have always had a thing going on. Also, over the years I have developed anxieties which is insanely interesting. Who knew there was a connection? I mean, I combat them because I ain’t no punk, but … yea … my nerves are shot (I thought it was the pot).

    My anger is a defense. Without it, I would be defenseless. I am sweet and small and I genuinely want to help, so most times I am targeted by bullies and abusers. I LIVE to make an example out of ANYONE who thought they were going to take my kindness for weakness – I live for it so much, I give people yards and yards of rope to hang their own self with.

    Once I’ve given a whole football field worth of rope, don’t you think the person deserves to be verbally abused? Isn’t an IED warranted after a while?

    There is a lady in my neighborhood that keeps asking me for money. I gave her a warning, “Hey. I don’t like you asking me for stuff. Can this please be the last time? I really don’t got it like that.” I saw her tonight and she asked me for a cigarette. I cut my eyes at her to let her know I didn’t appreciate her asking me, but I gave her one. She is going to ask me again and I will warn her a few more times. But an IED with her name on it is in the charts and I really can’t wait. Why is that going to be a bad angry?

    Reply
    1. Damien Parsons Post author

      Interesting story and point of view.
      First off, I feel there is always room for an alternative perspective. Judging anger from good or bad is truly case by case to a certain extent.

      How the anger is built up… Why it’s built up… How the anger is let out… How you try to resolve what caused anger…
      — I wouldn’t consider physical harm appropriate in any emotional standpoint. Since our emotions are personal, who are we to judge on another beings ‘physical’ outcome?

      As you have described, you seem to have done what you could in your scenarios. I just hope physical harm is a result of an emotional standoff…

      IED or Intermittent Explosive Disorder in your case thankfully is more “controlled” than in some other people. I mean,,, it’s hard to visualize your scenario to the extent of your verbal break out.
      – If you cursing them to the dirt senselessly they might avoid you in the future,,, yes, lol.
      – As opposed to aggressively expressing how you actually feel about their actions.
      – Or, reverse psychology… mmm, now that is a tasty one.
      3 of these can warrant a change in how the other act towards you. The lessor, of course, would be to senselessly talk them to the dirt without expressing your desired result from your lash out.

      Either which way, the end result should always lean away from violence. This is something people have to let go of because it’s simply great experiencing a life without violence. It’s a target worth aiming for.

      Reply
  2. Chris

    This is an amazing read and some points you discuss here are so true.

    Anger does indeed come from deep within, and sometimes anger can be good and bad. Learning to understand why you are angry and how to control it are paramount here.

    Sometimes being angry and expressing your views is not a bad thing, but being angry and over reacting can cause future and deeper problems.

    It is particularly true too when you talk about handing out verbal abuse when angry, and it is easy to be seen as a bully and someone who intimidates people.

    Great writing and thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us all.

    Chris

    Reply
    1. Damien Parsons Post author

      Your insight on this topic is greatly appreciated. Relationships show anger often, and topics you cover on “Win Back Your Ex” show that you understand this well.

      I hope many people discover you if they came here through anger in their relationships.

      Thanks, and do keep in touch!

      Reply
  3. Jenn

    Wow, I had no idea there were so many different types of anger or that I displayed more than one of them, yikes! Thanks for sharing this, very helpful and informative!

    Reply
  4. Katrina

    This a very informative article, thank you for posting this. Now I know what to do when I start feeling out of control and how to recognize the signs. You are going to be able to help so many people with this.

    Reply
  5. Jeremy West

    This is an absolutely excellent article. It is so true that anger can be a good emotion, but it must be controlled. People don’t realize it, but the same goes for happiness. Out-of-control happiness is mania, and it can lead to a lot of bad decisions. No matter what emotions you have trouble controlling, you should seek professional help. It’s well worth it and social stigma of seeking help for mental illness has to end.

    Reply
  6. Wayne

    Damien hi,

    The worst thing a person can do with respect to anger is to not express it, and there are many ways to do this non-violently.

    I think a certain amount of anger helps balance us out a little; it is impossible for things to run smoothly all of the time. We all react to the same situations differently, and it is these differences that will determine how we deal with our anger.

    The longer an issue is kept internalized, the greater the possibility that you may do something that you wont believe you are capable of the next time something irritates you.

    It all comes down to the nature or nurture argument again; is anger in my genes, or did circumstances over a number of years turn me into a ticking time-bomb.

    If anything is inherited from previous generations, it may be our temperament. The two major sides to one’s temperament are how you engage emotionally as well as socially with those around you. I believe we inherit something that will fall along a neutral baseline; this is nature…

    Nurture plays a bigger role in anger; circumstances during your early years will have more of an impact on your anger issues than what you inherited from your parents and the generations before them.

    All of us know when we are angry, and it is our responsibility to ensure that we resolve this anger before we involve others.

    Reply
    1. Damien Parsons Post author

      You said this well. Inheriting would be an appropriate way of saying that anger is passed down through family. Although genetics might play a part, it is the nature of persons lifestyle that influences it the most.

      Even if that lifestyle is one we can barely remember, subconsciously it can affect how we react to the world. For some people, they have to place more focus into this area to respond in better ways.

      Thanks for your inspiration on this topic Wayne, and great job on your own website. I think you will help many people with your experience and knowledge.

      Reply
  7. Steve

    I’ve noticed a few signs of anger issues with a few of my relatives. The funny thing is, they have the least number of things to be angry about. I wonder if it’s just genetics.

    Reply
    1. Damien Parsons Post author

      Hey Steve, with genetics mentioned I should mention that many studies are being done on this.

      Many doctors do believe that genetics can play a role in anger related issues. It makes perfect sense too. We take on certain genes from our parents, and some of these genes are stronger than others. It would only be natural for certain aspects of ourselves would be influenced higher than others because of this.

      Not to worry, It’s in my family and it doesn’t mean “end of the road” because our brain is a powerful tool. When we are able to focus on personal development, the possibilities are endless. As stated, when you notice the signs of anger problems, we need to take personal initiative to focus on being better.

      What is in your family is only an influence to you.. It’s not entirely you, and that is important to remember.

      Reply
  8. Hilda

    Hello. You touch on very interesting topics here. I had never thought possible to describe some kind of anger as good or positive but you are right on that. Irritability is one of the symptoms of stress, adrenal fatigue and general burnout. Blessings!

    Reply
    1. Damien Parsons Post author

      A nice addition Hilda.

      Irritability can certainly build on a person. This self created stress will certainly lead to more violent anger issues. It’s one that is difficult to overcome, and I know this one myself. It is the small things that trigger this sensation. If you allow the small things to bother you, then you will find yourself constantly irritated with everything around you..

      As for good anger, many people overlook the better forms of anger, or healthy anger. Actors get the best of this when they display artificial anger. Having a history of acting myself, I can tell you that the expressions feel real.

      All the best Hilda, and
      Thanks for following along!

      Reply

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